Oral Etiquette

Let me tell you about a HUGE pet peeve of mine... people who audibly chew gum and smack their food.

Nobody should ever have to hear somebody else's gum smacking and chewing. It is not only rude to inflict your annoying habit on other people, but you just look like a piece of low-class trash, chewing away like a cow on cud.

There have been countless times where I've been trapped with such idiots, either in an elevator, in a queue, or in the movies (aaaaaaarrrrgggh). For some reason, god did not bless me with the ability to filter out the wet smacking noises... when I hear it, my brain releases chemicals that not only enhance my hearing of such noises, but put me into a state not unlike road rage. I find myself fighting the urge to reach my fingers into the offending maw and forcibly remove the gum.

This also applies to food. Most food smacking is accompanied by the repulsive sight of saliva drenched bolus roiling around in the mouth. Gawd, it's enough to make me want to vomit! At least most people do not have the capacity to eat for hours on end, unlike the seeming eternity gum chewing, but for me, it's a toss-up as to which drives me more insane. At this point in my life, just catching sight of somebody's jaw working overtime causes me to start getting anxious.

Other annoying things are those who constantly whistle (usually in the cubicle next to you, where you cannot escape their tuneless warblings), or make other oral noises... these are usually done on a subconscious level, so you feel like a real ass for saying anything about it.