Today I woke up at dawn to play in our hosting company's annual golf tournament. If you're not familiar with how these things work, this one was what is called a 2-person scramble. Basically, it means that there are teams of two people, and each person tees off, and whomever's ball lands in the best spot, both team members hit their next shot from there. This "best ball" play continues right up until the ball is hit into the cup.
I like scrambles, because my score tends to go up dramatically in that sort of situation. I also like to have cocktails while I tool around the course. Around 9:30 is when I cracked open my first beer of the day. Up until that point, I was playing horribly. My drives were dribbling off the tee and landing anywhere but the fairway.. my short game was virtually non-existent, and my putts were overshooting the cup by several yards.
My game play gets better once I've had my first drink. I'm not sure if this is because I'm more relaxed and not thinking about my shots so obsessively, but whatever the reason, it's a statistical certainty that I will play better if I have a buzz.
I peak right around the time the 3rd drink hits my bloodstream, but this is where the Law of Diminishing Returns comes into play. If you're not familiar with that, let me break it down into simple terms. The Law of Diminishing Returns states that if one factor of production is increased while the others remain constant, the overall returns will relatively decrease after a certain point. For instance, if my alcohol consumption increases, while my goal of hitting the little white ball down the fairway into the cup remains constant, there will come a point where any increase in alcohol consumption will cause my ability to hit said ball down the fairway into the cup to decrease.
Now, this isn't exactly the correct usage of this economic principle, but I can tell you from experience, that while cocktails 1, 2, and 3 cause improvement in my game play, anything after that causes me to royally suck. By the time I get to the final hole, I could care less about playing, and am annoyed by the fact that I have to waste precious drinking time aiming that stupid ball for my putt. As a result, my last few holes are usually double-bogeys or worse.
But, ya know, what other "sport" can you play that gets you outside on a gorgeous day, and allows you to get your drink on without endangering your life? For instance, even though tennis will get you outside, have you ever tried playing it while under the influence? It ain't pretty, folks, that's all I gotta say (picture yourself doubled over with gut-wrenching nausea, and heart palpitations that cause you to seriously consider calling 911).
Now that I've said my piece, I think it's time for a nap. Nite nite! :)
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